How in One Minute I Went From Can I Help You To Fuck Your Mother Too. This Could Happen To You

Oh yeah, it's all true and it wasn't a prank call. I Actually told a potential customer to "F off". :-)

It's really amusing how it all happened. On a busy Thursday afternoon, as I was checking my email at the Bank Negara Malaysia (BNM) cafeteria (We're working on a copywriting project for BNM, but I can't say much for now), I got this call.

It's more interesting if I do this dialogue style...so here goes.

Me: Hello...

Crazy guy: Can I speak to Joshua?

Me: Speaking, Joshua here. Afternoon to you.

Crazy guy: Joshua? Hi, I got your number from XX (a client of mine. Have to protect their ID) and my company is ZZ (I'm not trying to protect his company, I just forgot the schmuck's company!). And we have RMYY to do a corporate website. We saw what you did for XX.

Me: Yes, that was our work. How can we help you, sir?

Crazy guy: Well, I want someone to do our website. We actually have an ad agency, but those guys are crap and they're very arrogant. They do our press ads and so on, but they dropped us (i now know why). They have an attitude problem.

(At this point, I was already slightly suspicious).

Me: Well, Words Wizards, my company does ad campaigns as well.

(At this point, you may assume that crazy guy sounds completely normal. Now comes the crazy part)

Crazy guy: Really? Oh, OK. So what's your full name?

Me: Joshua Rayan.

Crazy guy: Are you Indian? Chinese?

Me: (jokingly with a laughing tone): well, I don't see how it matters, but I'm Indian. I prefer just Malaysian.

Crazy guy: Sorry, what did you say?

Me: I said I'm Indian.

Crazy: No, before that you said something. (At this point, I sensed trouble. But I just played it cool).

Me: Well, I don't really think it matters, you know the race and all, but I'm Indian. I prefer just Malaysian.

Crazy Guy: Hey, I'm trying to be friendly, but if you wanna be cocky and all...what's your problem? This is not the way to do business. You got a bad attitude. What's your problem?

Me: No problem, but I'm not comfortable talking about race, especially to someone whom I hardly know. I think it doesn't matter.

Crazy Guy: You listen here, man. You better watch it with your attitude. (and he had this very angry ...lancee, kurang ajar tone. I was still keeping cool).

Me: I don't have an attitude and I'm not being unfriendly. I mean you're asking for my full name, race and all but you haven't even told me your name.

Crazy Guy: That's because you didn't ask, Josh. You didn't ask.

Me: Well, normally when people talk on the phone, they introduce or identify themselves. You don't even tell who you are and you start asking for details. Is this how you talk on the phone?

Crazy guy: You're the one with a problem, OK. I can ask anything I want. (at this point I knew any hope for rapport was lost. But I couldn't care less. I didn't want any).

Me: You call me up and you ask for details that only the police and immigration can ask me...

Crazy Guy: Fuck you, man!

Me: Fuck Your mother too!

I hung up. He called back. I told him I don't wanna waste anymore time with him.

I sat there smiling in a puzzled fashion. So I called my customer and told her what happenned. She was shocked.

We later discovered that crazy guy was actually a very bad customer to my customer -- twice he FFKed them and made the client rep wait for almost four hours in total, Not a single phone call or sms to say he won't be able to attend.

I think for me, I was just defending my privacy. I don't like to reveal things that are no concern to others, especially to someone who doesn't have the basic sense to give me his name. He could be a stalker for all I know!

The lesson in all this?

I probably turned down a biz killer -- one of those really dumb clients that will suck your life energy, treat you like trash and then pay you dirt (if he/she even pays you at all).

Worse, this kind of client can kill your biz. And I just avoided one.

Lesson two:

Never, ever kao tao to anyone. Respect people to the fullest, but never kao tao. I learnt this a long, long time ago from the great Zane (one of Malaysia's best Creative Directors) in 2004 at a seminar and it always rings true and probably will forever.

Sometimes, you just have to say no or turn them down. Not everyone who shows up at your doorstep is a friend.

Lesson Three:
Maintain good relations with your existing clients. They will back you up when nonsense like this happens.

Lesson Four:

Learn to laugh it off. Have a thick skin and when you are bestowed one of those rare chances to screw somebody because he really, really deserves it (right time, right place, right person, take it and enjoy it! :-) It's a great stress reliever!

Cheers, peeps. Have a great week ahead.

PS: The big contracts that I was mentioning earlier it seems, will not materialise. I haven't heard a definite No, but it's been too quiet for too long. Well, at least I was close. And you know what, you can't always get close all the time. Eventually, you'll hit jackpot. My 777 is coming in...real soon. :-)